So I am sitting here and it is just past midnight on the one hundred and first day of this journey. I am chatting with my friend and listing what I have left to do, this being one of those things. I said I don't know what to write about tonight.... UGHHHHH!!!!! His reply, "Why don't you write about being prayed for tonight?" That seems like as good of an idea as any. So I am just going to put myself out there.
One of my friends is having a milestone birthday at the end of this month and she mentioned that she was going to have a dinner to celebrate and she asked if I would come. Of course I replied that I would and marked the date in my planner so as not to double book myself.
Today I get an email from her mom with dinner details. Then I scroll up to the contacts to see who else she invited. Bad plan. Social functions... meaning more than 6-8 people... have never been my strong suit. I pretty much avoid them like the plague. Especially ones involving food. I don't really know why, but I usually start having a panic attack at even the mere thought of them, unless it is with people that I am close with. I have tried dealing with this issue before, obviously it didn't work. I asked myself, "what is the payoff to hanging on to this fear?" Obviously, if I keep it then I don't have to go to those things, being that I would still rather stick something in my eyeball than be in a large group, still.
Immediately I start coming up with my exit plan... I will just get her a present and take her out to lunch, or something will "come up" (luckily another friend is having a thing at her house that night and I will know all of those people... I know neurotic, right!?!?!?) So I don't reply to the email and continue with my day.
I tried to talk myself into replying to the email at least two more times this afternoon. It didn't happen. At least I can laugh at my own silliness, right?
So later this evening I am chatting with my friend and I confess my secretest secret. I had not really shared that with anyone outside my super close circle. He immediately says we need to pray about it, you need deliverance from that spirit of fear. He was right. Do I really want to let it go?
We prayed. He led. I resisted. Then I fought the urge to resist. Then I let go. Then I let God. I suppose the next step is just to step out and actively make a choice to fight it. Resist the devil and he will flee from you, right?!?!?! Here's believing!
Living in fear is not abundant living. Jesus came and gave and died that I might have life and have it more abundantly. When I allow fear to keep me from something that God has for me I cheapen His work on the cross. So, I am going to email her now... I think. :O) Pray for me!
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